When the cat is away
by Not Just a Nerd
Summary: Elena's struggle with her feelings for Damon now that Stefan is away. Set in Season 3. Damon x Elena. One-shot.


**Disclaimer: Because the name "fanfiction" doesn't already say it, I'd like to clarify again: I do not own the Vampire Diaries. **

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><p>The room is quiet, as if it is standing still like a light house in a lonely island. There is silence resonating in the air, punctuated by the old wall clock's rhythmic tick-tock-tick. The lights have been dimmed, curtains drawn, doors closed, giving the room the kind of surreal feelings felt in nightmares.<p>

Elena Gilbert leans back more against the leather chair and lets out a yawn that's equal parts exhaustion and boredom. It's late, the clock is about to strike 1 a.m., and she is still up reading Jonathan Gilbert's journal, reading the parts where he describes the monster that was turning their town into a graveyard- Stefan, her own Stefan.

_This isn't him, _a voice in her head scolds her as soon as the thought crosses her mind. This isn't him. That is what she has been telling herself, ever since Stefan joined hands with Klaus and became this… this…

A sigh leaves her mouth. It's been months now. She has tried everything to get him back, to make him remember who he really is, what he really believes in. He's the guy who always did the right thing, always made the right choice, always chose the right side, always saved the right people, always put everyone else before himself, and… and always loved her. He was that amazing wonderful guy she had fallen in love with. He wasn't this… this… blood-sucking ruthless murderer.

Her heart sinks at the thought, at the recollection of the feeling she felt when she woke up every morning to see the news of one more missing or dead person glaring at her from the front page of the newspaper.

She has been trying to deny that it's him, that he is doing this… this… horrible thing. She tried to be mad at Elijah, to blame him for everything, for not killing Klaus when he had the chance. She tried to blame it on Tyler for Damon's fatal werewolf bite. She tried to hate Damon for being so stupid to get bitten by Tyler.

But somewhere along the way her denial is getting defeated by the shock, anger, and hatred she is starting to feel at the loss of all these lives, the loss of all these innocent lives at the hands of Stefan.

It isn't her Stefan anymore, she knows that. Maybe he changed somewhere along the road of blood lust, or maybe she never knew him to begin with. After all, she wasn't alive for most of his life- who knew what had happened in all these years? Who knew how he _really _was? Maybe he was always like this deep inside, always this…. monster.

She focuses her thoughts on the journal again. Maybe there is something in this journal that would help her get him back? She tries her best to hold on to her fleeting hope, but it is slowly slipping out of her hands. Maybe that is why she has taken up vampire hunting? Maybe that is why she is ready to fight him if such a time comes?

A part of her shudders. Would she really ever be able to fight him? To hurt her own Stefan?

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><p>The sun's gentle rays, creeping in through the open window, wake her up. Her eyes slowly adjust to the sudden sun light in the room, and she blinks in confusion, trying to figure out where she is. She looks around, to see that she had fallen asleep in the chair last night, with the journal still in her lap.<p>

And a blanket covering her up, keeping her warm. And a plate with sandwiches kept on the table beside her.

She doesn't even need to think to know who's been looking after her. "Damon!" she calls out semi-loudly, knowing his ears would pick it up, wherever he is, and he will come dashing up in a flash.

"Good morning, sunshine", he smirks, sitting down on the bed as soon as he enters, before she can protest. "And Elena."

She frowns. She _just _woke up, the snarl in her system will still take some time to wake up, and he's starting already? "Get out of my bed", she demands, realizing how tired she sounds. With only five hours of sleep, no wonder.

"Get out of my house", he retorts boldly.

"This is _my _house now. You gave it to me, remember?", she reminds him, grinning victoriously as she gets up to gargle. Even her fuzzy slippers have turned cold in the cold of the night, she's so grateful that he checked in on her. Just like he does, every night.

Her gaze lifts to his face, and shines. A knot of happiness and guilt forms in her stomach simultaneously as she stares at the eyes that stare back at her with _so much_ love. He's been there for her whenever she needed him. She can't remember one time when he wasn't. She knows he will die for her in a heartbeat and won't even regret it for a second. She's been living in the Salvatore House for a while now, and they have started to grow closer. And maybe she's starting to have a soft spot for him somewhere in a corner of her heart…

But he's also evil. He's killed so many innocent people without even flinching once. He tried to kill her own brother! He tried to turn her into a vampire! He's the epitome of cruelty.

But so is Stefan these days. And if can love Stefan despite it all…

She decides it's too early to think of this again, and just settles for the early morning snarl instead. "My house, my rules."

"Does one of them say you should stay up every night reading vampire gossips from _Oh Yes He Did_?" he challenges.

Her lips curl with the retort. "Did you know that one gossip says you're about to get kicked very soon if you don't get out of my bed?"

"What's the big deal?" he shrugs casually. "I've slept here."

She freezes in her track, and looks back at him with wide questioning eyes.

"I've slept here _before_", he adds, but then destroys it with a wink.

"Ew, Damon!" she makes the same face she does when she accidentally pours salt in her coffee instead of sugar while thinking about Stefan.

Stefan. Her heart faces a mini-earthquake, the colors drain from her face as he remembers him again. Who knows what news awaits her today?

Damon notices the way the look in her eyes changes and her lips part slightly. He wishes he could lean in and kiss those lips and drive her pain away.

But he can't. Well, he _can_ lean in and kiss, but he's not sure if that can do anything to relieve her pain. He hates it, he hates that he has to stand there and watch her hurt. Will he ever affect her the way she affects him? Will he ever be able to do anything to make her feel better? He hates not being able to do anything for her at all.

Lost in his own chain of questions, he never notices when she leaves. The sound of the water running in the bathroom brings him back to reality. And it doesn't take long for his mouth to open again. "You know, Elena, I was in there too!"

"You are disgusting" she concludes as she comes out of the bathroom after a minute, sits back down on the chair and hurls her feet up on the table.

He fakes a look of confusion. "It took you _this _long to figure that out?"

She rolls her eyes, munching on the sandwich that he fixed for her. Just the way she liked her sandwiches. He is getting better with practice; she has to admit to herself. He always takes such great care of her. God, where will she be without him? With Jenna and John gone, Stefan… having to look after Jeremy and deal with all the vampire drama in her life, if it wasn't for Damon, she would have lost her sanity long, long back.

He sits back and watches her eat, watches how her eyes look so sad, so aimless. He hates how he can only bring back the spark for only those short moments, and the emptiness returns soon after. Isn't there anything he could do to give her heart a break from the daily heart break?

"Why aren't _you _eating?" her eyebrows arch up curiously.

He only chuckles. "If I ate, disgusting will go to a new level."

"Ew, Damon!" she throws the pen she can lay her hand on at him. "I'm eating!"

"My point exactly", he grins, pleased with himself and his ability to make objects fly out of Elena's hands.

"Don't you like sandwiches?" she asks curiously.

"Do I like waking up early in the morning and cooking for myself?" he counters.

She snorts. "That's coming from a creature of the night."

"Creature of the night", he winks at her.

"Damon", she warns. "Don't make me throw up on you."

"You can't, I'll run away at high speed before you can." He points out.

She sighs in defeat. Ok, he wins this round; she doesn't know how to answer that. "So what are you doing today?"

"We are going food shopping."

Even though it shouldn't, something about that sentence sounds wrong to her. "Define we, and define food."

He mocks a serious look. "We, Elena, is a pronoun for-"

"-I know what it means!" she cuts him off impatiently. Her brain still isn't waking up enough to keep up with him. Damn. Can they not do this now? Or is this their thing and they will have to keep doing it forever? "Just answer my question. Please?"

"You and I are going food shopping. Your little brother bailed out."

She snorts again. "Why?"

His eyebrows wrinkle up in disbelief. "How will _I_ know why Hermione's ex-boyfriend is bailing out? I'm tired of all the bromance I have to do, anyway."

She shakes her head. "No, I meant, why you and I? Super-vampire can't manage a little food shopping alone?" her head tilts to a side with the teasing.

It's like a snarky answer is always hanging at the tip of his tongue. "How will I know what you crave when you PMS?"

"I do not-", she stops herself mid-sentence. That is one conversation that she definitely does not need to have with him. Who knows what other awkward conversations that will lead to? "And yet you pretend to know everything. Shame on you, Mr. Know it all."

"Takes one to know one", he answers back swiftly.

She sticks out her tongue at him, in a real mature gesture, and finishes eating, ignoring his comment. "Will you behave while we're out?"

"Will you dance to Rebecca Black?"

"Damon", she warns again, then sighs. It's no use asking a dog to keep his tail straight instead of curled. "Fine, I'll get dressed then."

He nods.

She discards her empty plate on the table, and stares at him in disbelief. "Damon! Get out!" She can't manage to keep up a mad face for long though, a laugh quickly erupts from her chest. "I swear Damon; someday you'll get arrested for sexual harassment."

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><p>It's kind of strange that his driving license didn't get suspended and he doesn't even have a speeding ticket. She has a sneaking suspicious that he hypnotized his way out of it every time, but she decides not to ask and wreck everything- he's driving under speed limit and won't lead her straight to death via car crash, so she can live with it.<p>

"Say something." She blurts out before she can think what she is about to say. It's quiet, and staring into the streets is kind of painful for her, it brings back a lot of memories, of people living and deceased and undead.

He groans. "You want me to make small talk? Ok. Isn't the weather lovely today?"

She rolls her eyes, subconsciously pulling her jacket tighter to her chest.

"Are you cold?" he asks sincerely.

She shakes her head. "No, I'm warm. Thanks."

"Now, _that _is cold." He laughs.

She joins in. She doesn't know why, but she does. She never thought she would be laughing to something silly that Damon said. But then again, she never thought she would be the doppelganger who can break a century old spell, so maybe this isn't her place to judge.

He loves watching her laugh. She laughs so less these days, it's a shame. Her laugh seems to light up her face, and the heart of anyone watching, he's pretty sure. He wishes he could make her laugh more.

The silence returns again, and she's again forced to begin a conversation. "Do you have any good CDs in the car?"

"Those are not songs, little girl." He states briefly. A smart girl like her can figure out the unspoken part.

She doesn't like the way her lips tighten into a purses and her eyes close for two seconds as she draws in a deep breath. What she is trying to pass off as disgust might very well be jealousy, and she's trying hard to ignore that burning in her heart.

Because it's wrong, right? She's in love with _Stefan. _Damon is his _brother. _He's her friend. She is going to break all of their relationships if she falls for him.

But he's so nice and always looking after her. And Stefan is never there these days. So maybe it's not so…

_No. _She shakes her head. Her feelings for Stefan aren't so shallow. They can't fade away in such a long time just because he's made a wrong choice. He'll come back, she'll bring him back, she can't give up on him. She can't give up on their love. She can't feel anything for Damon.

Her thoughts are interrupted by the sound of music blasting in the car. "Radio", Damon explains.

"Can't you put on a nice station?" she complains.

"I did", he mocks a look of hurt. "I thought you kids like these auto-tuned pop junk?"

She rolls her eyes. "You sound so old."

"I _am _old, Elena." He reminds her. "Or am I so charming that you forget?"

She absolutely hates hates hates it when he flirts with her. Six months back, it made her angry, it made her furious, it made her want to pull her hair out, or to punch him in the face, or to scream out a "stop". But now, it only makes her want to smile, and she hates that.

She can't be falling for him. She can't be falling for anyone other than Stefan, but especially not Damon. Maybe she just likes getting attention from someone? Because Stefan hasn't been around and she's been craving it? Maybe Damon is just filling a void and this isn't about him?

His laugh breaks her trance. "So I'm so charming that I make you speechless?"

She laughs lightly. "You wish!"

"I do", he nods. "I wish other things too."

"Damon", she warns him. "Don't be gross."

He only shrugs. "I never promised I'd behave, did I? It's not like I'm breaking any promises… I'd never break my promises to you."

She decides to change the topic before this gets out of hand, and her heart slips out of her hands and falls into his. "So what are we buying today? Did you make a list?"

It frustrates him that she never responds to any of his efforts to get to her. He said Stefan deserves her, but that was a long time back. He has changed his mind since. His blood is a bloodaholic, a coward, a wannabe do-gooder- he'll never have himself under control and never know what he wants.

He just wishes Elena would open her eyes and realize that. Stefan has been away for a while now, and it doesn't look like he's coming back anytime soon. When will the veil lift off her eyes? She deserves so much better than Stefan, and so much better than him too, but at least he will never do anything to hurt her. He would hide her behind his eyelids and protect her from this hurtful world if he could. If only she will let him hold her hand!

He fights back the sigh and fakes a smile for her. "Why will I make a list? That's why I brought you along!"

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><p>The rest of the drive is filled with their meaningless playful banter. Everything feels normal. She likes it. For a moment she can just forget about all the drama and misery in her life.<p>

"Chocolate?" he offers.

She almost snatches it out of his hand.

"Gee, Elena, relax, I was giving it to you, you know." He teases, with a nudge of his elbow.

"I've learnt better than to trust you." She answers smartly.

"Ouch", he shakes his head. "So much for being nice to you. You're paying for your own chocolate."

She shrugs. "No problem. But then you're not getting any of it."

"I'll just take it when you're sleeping", he challenges. "Are you going to stay up all night and guard it?"

"Maybe I'll finish it before I go to bed?" she counters. She shakes her head at how they are childishly arguing over a bar of chocolate. So maybe this _is _their thing.

She wonders if they're putting on a show at the store and if anyone is watching. She looks around but sees that no one is noticing them. It makes her feel… relieved. Like she was scared that someone would catch her with Damon.

It's weird. It shouldn't be this way. It's not like she's not supposed to be with him, and it's not like they are doing something they shouldn't. Then why does she feel so guilty? Why does she feel like what she is doing has the potential to hurt her Stefan?

"Move, lady", Damon startles her out of yet another of her trances. "Your legs aren't frozen, and we still need to pick up a lot of things."

She nods, blushing, and lets him take the lead. She watches him walk through the store with the trolley in his hands. He looks so smart, and so cool. Her heart swells with gratitude, and respect- he's done so much for her, he's earned her respect a long time back. Her eyes fill with tears of joy. She never realized how lucky she is to have him in her life. Not every girl has a guy who devotes himself so selflessly. And not every girl has the luck to be loved by Damon Salvatore.

And then. Bham! It happens suddenly, without any warning, out of nowhere- in one moment everything changes. In one sudden moment she's staring at Damon like he's walking away from her and it's physically hurting her. In one moment she knows that this _is _about Damon. It has always been about him. She has always felt this way about him. She just never let it surface, because she was with Stefan and this was wrong.

But what is the harm now? Stefan is the one who left her. So why couldn't she run up to Damon and hug him tightly and tell him how she really feels?

But can she? Does she have what it takes to break out of the web she has been webbing for herself all this time? To go out there and hold Damon's hand, not caring what happens? To hurt her Stefan?

She shakes her head and fights it stubbornly. No, she can't do this. This is not right. What's the difference between her and Katherine then? She can't have two brothers! She has picked one; she should stick to her choice. She has caused enough tension between them already. Why make it worse? Who knows what more damage she'll possibly create?

No. She can't. She can't…

"Elena?" Damon whispers her name softly. He doesn't ask what's wrong; he knows she will tell him anyway. He noticed that she hadn't moved an inch. He wonders what is wrong now, and he wonders what he can do to make it all better.

She stares into his deep eyes. How can she see love in the eyes of the man with so much hatred towards everything? How can she see softness in a person so rough and ruthless? What is wrong with her? Why does she…

Why is she in love with Damon? When did this happen? Why didn't she notice? Why couldn't she stop it?

She's s angry at herself! And she's so angry at him! This is all his fault! He didn't have to be so… so… Elena groans. He's making her want to punch him in that face or pull her hair out or scream out a "stop" or place a kiss on his lips.

And that's what she does. She stops thinking about how wrong this is and how this can hurt Stefan. Instead, she focuses on how right it feels and how it makes the aching in her heart stop.

Damon kisses back instantly. He's been waiting for this moment for so long. He doesn't want it to end. But it does, when they ran out of breath, and he is almost afraid that when they pull back he will see regret ion her face.

But all he sees is a tinge of uncertainty and hesitation. "Am I… am I cheating on Stefan this way?" she whispers in a barely audible tone.

"You're not." He places his hands on her shoulders and squeezes. "He left you. He isn't coming back, Elena. You deserve to be happy."

She nods. "Give me some time to get used to it…"

He nods back. "Of course, I understand."

The moment is so tender, so sweet. _Of course _he has to wreck it! He sends a smirk her way. "Lighten up, honey. Didn't they teach you in Nursery that when the cat is away, the mice will play?"

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><p><strong>AN: I hope you liked it. Please review and send me constructive criticism. Thanks for reading :) **


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